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Other kids on our floor gasped and laughed, carrying boxes filled with Bob Marley posters and Hot Pockets as we were rushed through the hallways toward the exit. Outside, a brand-new black Tahoe with a flower lei hanging from the rearview came to a screeching halt in front of us. They were multiplying. The trunk door automatically opened, and we clumsily ducked our way in just in time before it slammed behind us and the driver sped off. I'm Allison Kimball and I'm a Pi," said the girl with the immaculate set of twins as she reached over the backseat and applied a blindfold to my eyes.
What are your names? Oh, silly me. Duct tape.
Total Frat Move
Nice to meet you ladies. I'd only been there for six hours and already had a reputation, no doubt thanks to my dad's contributions to the Alpha fraternity house. Suddenly an obnoxious Taylor Swift song was blaring through the speakers, and someone tugged my hair to tilt my head back.
I opened up like a baby bird awaiting its first meal, and whiskey flooded my taste buds and dripped down my chin. I momentarily pitied the guys in their dorm rooms trying to level up on World of Warcraft. They would always be GDIs god damn independents , and never experience the pure thrill of being kidnapped by hot sorority girls.
My empathy ended when I heard Monte sputter up some liquid, and I could tell he was also being waterboarded with whiskey. Moments later my hair was yanked again and this time I tasted tequila. This process was repeated several more times before we finally came to a stop.
Another masculinity-threatening song raped my ears until I was finally pulled from the car, and I accidentally head-butted Monte in the face on the way out. I stumbled without sight from the SUV, trying to find my legs, when suddenly the blindfold was pulled from my eyes. Sunlight flooded my retinas as I squinted and tried to make out my surroundings. As the foreground focused, my eyes took in an incredible, well-manicured lawn.
In the background, an enormous mansion began to take shape. In the middle of Greek Row on a sprawling lot, from the outside it looked like a massive southern plantation home with towering columns. Driving by you would never think, Hey, that's a place where hundreds of young people absorb unholy amounts of alcohol and try to invent new sex positions, but that's exactly what it was.
A glorious mansion where dreams came true and wild fantasies were fulfilled. Less than an hour at college had passed. We were there. Rush had begun. This was it. While I was born in the greatest country in the world America, fuck yeah , and into a great family Prescott, fuck yeah , I wasn't born into my fraternity. Trust me, if anyone could've been I would've been, but no man is born wearing his letters.
However, being a legacy with a handshake like a fucking arm-wrestling champion certainly boosted my status as a sought-after shoo-in during rush. Fraternity recruitment can be surprisingly similar to that of a successful collegiate football program. In order to field a respectable pledge class Join or Die a GDI 9 you have to get everyone shitfaced and show them how much ass they'll get if they commit.
Much of what goes on is completely against university rules and state laws, but if you're not cheating you're not trying. Monte and I had been contacted by Alpha's rush chairman several times throughout the summer to ensure our involvement.
I had been looking forward to this since I saw Otter fuck the dean's wife in Animal House when I was seven years old. Nothing could keep me from it.
Now I was being ushered toward the back porch with Allison on my arm.
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After a few steps I realized I was already buzzing hard. Their heads were adorned with ivy and they were all wearing penny loafers or boat shoes. The lankiest of the five was clad in an American flag bedsheet, and he handed me a fifth of Kentucky Deluxe before throwing a white sheet and some rope over my shoulder. Russell Atwater, rush chair. We talked on the phone last week.
It's great to finally meet you in person. Then we squared off in a manly staredown as an unspoken shootout of confidence took place, which resulted in mutual respect. We were telepathically acknowledging, I'm not a fucking pussy and you understand that because neither are you. The agreement ended with a slight nod. He just nodded, still too rattled from the abduction to decide how he felt. We tossed our shirts into the back of the truck and walked back over to the group.
We headed up the sidewalk and up the back staircase onto a massive outdoor balcony where we were consumed by a sea of togas. Creedence Clearwater Revival was rocking through speakers positioned above the wooden deck.
As we made our way through the crowd we passed several girls whose "togas" weren't really togas at all. Instead, with any fabric deemed unnecessary having been strategically cut away, they exposed as much skin as possible. I had yet to see a single one that I wouldn't punch Monte in the dick just to make out with.
Apparently Mr. Committed Relationship was enjoying the scenery too, because I noticed him staring at a brunette who was a few centimeters of toga fabric away from a nip slip.
Atwater overheard us talking and stopped in his tracks. Give in to the temptation; you'll be a better man for it. Look around you. It's like a buffet, for fuck's sake. We made our way into the house, where the walls, ceiling, and floors were covered in black tarp to protect against the impending paint explosion. The distinct smell of grain alcohol and a hundred years of historic sex filled my nostrils.
Everywhere I looked there was someone with a can, bottle, or cup upended. As we walked through the corridor I noticed a girl with her legs wrapped around a guy wearing nothing but a kilt, making out with a drunken passion like I'd never seen before.
We were approaching the staircase when suddenly a lunatic in a cowboy hat and toga came flying down the stairs at 20 mph riding an ironing board like a sled. He hit the ground and skidded into the wall, spilling his drink everywhere and knocking his head. Behind him followed ten guys with black trash bags full of mischief.
The volume of the party forced us to raise our voices. A fascinated smile stretched across his face as the booze began to loosen him up. We made our way up the stairs and down a long corridor with bedrooms to the left and right. Everything on the second floor was covered in tarp as well. The house was even bigger than I initially realized, and we turned a corner down another long hallway before finally reaching Atwater's room. He kicked the door open and there were already several guys inside drinking and talking.
They both had the same look of eager readiness on their faces. After briefly taking part in standard introductory protocol, Nathan cut to the chase. Just as I opened my mouth to tell them we appreciated the offer but no thanks, Monte chimed in. I'm in. I looked over at Monte, who was already wide-eyed and smiling like a white-nostriled Jim Carrey, nodding his approval. Fuck it. If Monte's punk ass can handle it, so can I. Just as my brain went into overdrive, I heard the band kick off the night through the floorboards with "Born in the USA," and suddenly Tim sprinted out down the hall without saying a word.
We looked to Atwater for our next move. His bloodshot eyes darted around the room while he searched for meaningful words to motivate us, and then he delivered an eloquent speech I'll remember for the rest of my life. Otherwise just try random doors. I gulped down the last of my whiskey drink and followed him out to plunge headfirst into a lifestyle that I would maintain for over half a decade.
I noticed Atwater grabbing cans and shoving them down into his toga. I followed his lead, tucking two into the pockets of my shorts under my toga and taking two in each hand.
Total Frat Move
As she violently bobbed her head, desperate to breathe life back into my dick, I considered telling her to stop and throwing in the towel. That's when I looked over and noticed her roommate lying on her side in bed, watching us. And she wasn't just watching, she was staring right at me and licking her lips with a look that sent shivers through my entire body, instantly causing me to become rock hard. She had just done what science had failed to do since the dawn of Adderall.
How I had managed to stumble into the room dressed like a wasted G. Joe and not even take a glance at the insanely attractive brunette sleeping in the bed just a few feet away is beyond me.
To my knowledge I'd never had anyone watch me hook up, but apparently I loved it. The girl whose mouth my manhood currently inhabited and whose name I had forgotten gave a moan of approval. I snapped into action, threw her legs over my shoulders, and slid home. This was the most turned on I had ever been in my life. She wrapped her legs around me and I looked back over at the roommate, who was sucking her middle finger like a Popsicle. She switched to her pointer finger, then ran them both slowly down her stomach below the sheets.
I looked down at the girl I was inside of, and she started to turn her head, presumably to check if her roommate was awake.
I grabbed her by the chin and kissed her to keep her focus on me. She grabbed for one of her pillows and pressed it to her face, moaning into it as I stroked away while never breaking my wide eyed staredown with the roommate as she bit her bottom lip and fingered herself.
After a couple minutes I flipped her over into doggie style and she put her face back into the pillow to stay quiet. Her sexy ass roommate was squeezing her tits with one hand while the other kept busy beneath the sheet. My dick had reached diamond status, and Kristen?
I winked at her roommate, and she shivered noticeably, aggressively sliding her other hand beneath the sheet as well. I was laying some serious pipe, with one hand on each of her hips pulling her back into me. She seemed to be enjoying the position, and I turned to check on her roommate again. The possibly crazy nympho was now completely uncovered and shamelessly touching herself with both knees up and her toes curled down.
She stared into my eyes again, her mouth agape with pleasure as she worked her fingers faster and faster toward orgasm, and she was taking me right along with her. But without warning, the girl whose name I was pretty sure started with a K turned and caught her roommate staring at me and masturbating. I looked over at the roommate, but to my disappointment she had rolled over and was pretending to be asleep. On the way out of the house I gave zero fucks if anyone saw me or not. I whistled as I strolled down the hallway and passed one girl coming out of the restroom in her night slip.
She rolled her eyes at me and ducked back into the bathroom to wait until I passed. I couldn't help but laugh to myself as the experience sunk in, and I made my way down the stairs to the exit. Could I have pulled off the threesome if I'd played my cards right?
I would never know. The house's alarm beeped twice as I walked out, and then I slammed the door as hard as I could to purposely cause some middle of the night sorority drama. One of the most ridiculous books I have ever read; it sounds like our main character spent his whole college career in a drunken stupor; every other line he was drinking something, and it was never water.
EXCLUSIVE: Interview with ‘Total Frat Move: The Book’ Author Ross Bolen
Was this book funny? Oh yhea! Was it realistic? I think it was exaggerated by our narrator to make him seem more of a badass, so I doubt his honesty in everything. Was it written well? Bolen is a good story teller- he kept my a Before I start, I won this book in a giveaway on goodreads. Bolen is a good story teller- he kept my attention through the book- probably due to the obscene events occurring at every page!
The book leaves no room for introspection; the main character is simply having too much fun to notice, and even though this adds to the humour in the book, it makes for a very shallow character development. I did not like him, and I do not like the way fraternities if these stories are based on facts can get away with anything.
If that's the case, then W. Bolen has done an excellent job of critiquing fraternities and the social elite way of life. I think the author laid out the cold hard truth about what some fraternities do to their members in brutal detail.We looked to Atwater for our next move. Nothing could keep me from it. The cutting tool known as drill is fitted into the spindle of the drilling machine.
Once they were out of sight I walked back inside and took the elevator to my room, sat on the polyester prefurnished couch surrounded by boxes, and took a deep breath.
Nice to meet you ladies. I looked over at Monte, who was already wide-eyed and smiling like a white-nostriled Jim Carrey, nodding his approval. It was even in the book, the women he was with in college didn't count for anything but experience; not until he graduated would he get a wife, or a woman with real standards Method A bends large-diameter, thin-wall, stainless-steel tubing on radii down to 1D.
Atwater's bed was covered in smears of paint, and his pillow was dribbled with Tim's punch-stained drool.