Hi, There you go- Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler-Crucial Conversations_ Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High-McGraw-Hill ().pdf. Where can I get online PDF or EPUB versions of books? Where can I get a online PDF books for free?. crucial conversations. SE & Tools for talking when stakes are high. KERRY Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler are founders of. Crucial Confrontations: Tools for Resolving Broken Promises, Violated by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan and Al Switzler.
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Editorial Reviews. Review. "What a profound and timely book! Here is the cure for arguments Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High - site edition by Kerry Patterson. Crucial Conversations by Kerry. Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan and Al Switzler — the founders of. VitalSmarts — helps you think about what you really. news that they found is that conversation skills can be learned. Tools for talking when stakes are high. Kerry Patterson. Joseph Genny. Ron McMillan. Al Switzler.
Setting the Stage: the Columbia Disaster Perhaps the most tragic recent example of the failure to undertake necessary crucial communications is the February Columbia Space Shuttle disaster.
According to public testimony, in the days following what seemed to be an unexceptional lift-off, Rodney Rocha, a chief structural engineer at NASAs Johnson Space Center, along with several colleagues, determined that the stray foam strike that had occurred seconds after the Columbias launch bore further investigation.
Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High
Other engineers apparently shared his concern, and so they asked that satellite photos be provided that would help them to probe the possibility of foam-induced damage. So when Linda Ham, head of the mission management team, subsequently asked who it was who wanted to view the satellite photos documenting the foam strike, she was met with silence. No one spoke up. And so she put the request aside. When Rodney Rocha later learned that his boss had not requested the satellite photos, he drafted an e-mail stating, "In my humble opinion, this is the wrong answer.
Again, silence. What causes this culture of silence?
The authors point to some very obvious explanations. First, few people enjoy raising bad news. And most people view such tasks as confronting a colleague, pointing out flaws, or raising product concerns to the management team with a considerable amount of dread. Second, organizational cultures often support or even actively encourage this silence.
For example, the former head of NASA, Daniel Goldin, ruled with such an abrasive and punishing demeanor that, according to many observers, "people were afraid to tell Mr. Goldin things he didnt want to hear. Of course, every organization has to trim its costs at times. But according to the authors of Crucial Confrontations, what keeps such cost-cutting from becoming dangerous is that managers have to know when to push back when theyre asked to make cuts that could have life-threatening consequences.
Unfortunately, at NASA, that pushback never occurred. In the authors view, the death of the seven astronauts aboard the space shuttle Columbia on February 1, , was the inevitable result, not of leaders who actively suppressed potentially embarrassing information, but of leaders who failed to foster a culture in which crucial conversations about potential risks could take place without the threat of reprimand or other serious repercussions.
And there are other, more recent, examples. The high-profile accounting disasters that took place at Worldcom, Enron and Tyco were also not only the result of bad leaders acting in isolation. These incidents required hundreds of passive accomplices who noticed irregularities but said nothing.
The fact is, say the authors, that corporate ethics are not maintained exclusively by top executives, but also by hundreds of other ordinary employees willing to step up and confront individuals when they first venture into ethically grey areas.
By now, it should be very clear that stepping up to crucial conversations and handling them well can have a huge impact on our lives.
So how do we do it? What is a Crucial Confrontation?
Before we get into the authors specific practices and techniques, we need to establish a common understanding of the term "crucial confrontation. Although the term can sound abrasive, thats not at all what the authors have in mind.
In fact, when confrontations are handled correctly, both parties talk openly and honestly. Both are candid and respectful. And as a result problems are resolved and relationships are ultimately strengthened. When to Have a Crucial Confrontation Sometimes, when youve carefully considered the potential consequences of triggering a crucial confrontation, it is a better option to remain silent about something thats bugging you.
In that case, it may be better to avoid rehashing a bunch of issues that will never come up again. Holding your tongue probably isnt going to work in that case. If a failed expectation or a broken promise is really bothering you, youre probably not a good enough actor to hide your true feelings over the long-term.
You may try to choke them down, but theyll bubble up to the surface in unhealthy ways. If you dont talk it out, youll probably act it out. To help diagnose whether you may be clamming up when you should be speaking up, the authors suggest you ask yourself the following four questions: Am I acting out my concerns? You may think youre suffering silently, say the authors, but chances are youre not.
In all likelihood, youre acting out your concerns in subtle or even not-so-subtle ways and that only makes matters worse. Your non-verbal behavior will speak for you unless you take charge of the conversation you need to have. Is your conscience nagging you? You may keep telling yourself that things are OK especially if others around you are similarly witnessing problematic behavior but saying nothing but you know in your gut that something just isnt right.
Listen to that inner advice, say the authors. Its a sign that your silence isnt warranted and its time to step up to the plate. Are you downplaying the cost of not taking action i. You may be trying too hard to persuade yourself to stay away from a confrontation because you fear it will be painful. When you catch yourself thinking this way, Grenny and his colleagues offer this advice: "Dont confuse the question of whether the confrontation will be difficult of course it will be difficult!
Sometimes we feel like nothing we say or do will Ss 4 The Business Source www. Either someone around you is impossible to talk to, or youve already employed all your problem-solving prowess and the situation still isnt improving.
Follow the Authors
In truth, the problem is less often that others are impossible to deal with, and more just that we arent sure how exactly to approach them. The authors have watched countless people deal with some of lifes most difficult problems, and succeed, because they knew what to say and how to say it. According to the authors, if you improve your crucial confrontation skills even just a little youll choose silence far less often and begin to succeed far more often than you fail.
How to Have a Crucial Confrontation Once youve picked out a problem, decided to say something, and considered the possible influences behind it, now its time to take action. But before you open your mouth, say the authors, its vital that youre totally clear in your mind as to exactly what youre confronting. At this point, what you should be addressing is "the gap, or difference, between what you expected and what actually happened.
Lets now deal with each of these elements in turn: Private Always discuss problems in private, say the authors. No matter where you may encounter a problem, retire to your office or another secluded setting where you can talk one-on-one to avoid embarrassing a colleague. Dont Chastise the Group.
Dont deal with individual problems in meetings by chastising the entire group.
According to the authors, this "cowardly" tactic is doomed to fail in two ways. First, the guilty may miss the fact that theyre the targets of your snide comments. Second, the innocent resent the fact that theyre being thrown in with the guilty. Respectful When you first approach a problem, dont assume the worst of the other person. Nothing feeds the hog more than rushing full speed into a problem because youre just certain that the other person is guilty as sin.
If we remember to assume the best were more likely to walk up to a person and carefully and accurately describe only what weve observed. As long as were giving others the benefit of the doubt and otherwise doing our best to treat them with respect, were halfway home. Here is another tip that can help us keep the conversation civil: Ss 5 The Business Source www. Since youre not sure what has prevented the other person from keeping the promise, make sure your language is free of absolutes.
Trade "You said" for "I thought we agreed. Be curious, not conclusive. Immediacy Skilled problem solvers dont beat around the bush. They dont shrink to silence and then pray that the problem will heal itself.
Instead, they deal with problems directly and immediately. By stepping up to problems right away, they can be addressed while theyre still fresh and readily resolved. Moreover, if you dont say something right away, youre giving your unspoken approval of the behavior. For the relationship? Learn to Look When you get caught up in a crucial conversation, it becomes very difficult to see exactly what's going on and why it's happening.
Sometimes, when discussions become stressful, you end up doing the opposite of what works. When it's 'safe', you can say anything; when it's 'unsafe', you start to go blind and can't take feedback. Three forms: a Masking - understating or selectively showing true opinions  Crucial Conversations By Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan and Al Switzler sarcasm and sugar-coating are examples b Avoiding - steering away from sensitive topics c Withdrawing - pulling out of a conversation altogether Violence - any verbal strategy done to convince, control or compel others to one's point of view.
Do you use silence or violence when dialogue fails? Are you a masker or avoider, for instance? Make It Safe When others move to silence or violence, that's the time to step out of the conversation and 'make it safe'. Only if and when safety is restored can you return to the issue at hand and continue the dialogue. Which condition of safety is at risk?
When purpose is at risk, you end up in debate. When respect is at risk, people become emotional and highly charged. How exactly we can 'make it safe' There are three hard-hitting skills to employ to do this. Start with what you don't intend or mean, and then explain what you do intend or mean. If strong emotions are keeping you stuck in silence or violence, try doing the following: Retrace your path A story is created when you add meaning to an action you observe. Emotions then enter afterwards.
Finding yourself moving away from dialogue? Ask yourself what you're really doing. Learn to accurately identify the emotions behind your story. Question your conclusions; look for other possible explanations behind your story. Abandon absolute certainty by distinguishing between hard facts and your made-up story. These stories are always incomplete: they leave out crucial information about what really happened.
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Tell the rest of the story It's important that you do what it takes to tell a useful story - one that creates emotions leading to healthy action, such as dialogue. Start with the least controversial, most persuasive elements from your Path to Action - facts, which are by far the least controversial and the most persuasive. Encourage others to do what you've just done by sharing both their facts and their stories.
State your story for what it is, a story - don't disguise it as a fact. Make it safe for others to express differing or opposing views by making it clear that you want to hear these views - and mean it. Explore Others' Paths After telling others what you want to tell them, it's quid pro quo time - time for you to listen to what they have to say in return.
It's always best to start with curiosity and patience to help restore safety.
Then you can use the four powerful listening skills to help trace the other person's Path to Action to its origins. Begin by expressing interest in the other person's view or views. Increase safety by acknowledging the emotions that people appear to be feeling. Do this out of respect for them. As the other party or parties begin to share part of their story, restate what they're telling you, to show not only that you understand but that it's safe for them to share what they're thinking and feeling.
If the other party or parties are holding back, prime them by taking your best guess at what they may be thinking and feeling and act accordingly. After this it'll be your turn to talk.
If the others leave something out, agree where you do agree, then point out areas of agreement and add elements left out of the discussion. Compare the two views.
Move to Action Now that you know how to have successful crucial conversations, transform them into great decisions. Separate dialogue from decision-making just because everyone is allowed to share their meaning doesn't mean that all are guaranteed part in making decisions and avoid inaction.
Consensus - all the members of the group come to an agreement and Support the final decision. To choose between the methods, determine who wants to be involved in the decision, who has the expertise to make the best call, who has the authority or influence in any decisions that might be made, and keep in mind that the fewest number of people should be involved as possible while considering the quality of the decision.
Change Your Life What are the chances of improving something as deeply rooted in your psyches as the way you communicate?We play the martyr and then pretend we're actually trying to help.
He was subtly using his power to move the new offices to his hometown. Since they don't know what to say or how to say it, they opt for force. What about your career? If you take it away, it's all people can think about.
C78 Specifically, watch to see if you're having a good or bad impact on safety.
It's almost always done as a means of avoiding potential problems, and it always restricts the flow of meaning. We try to bully our way through.